The Most Humorous Quotes From Winston Churchill

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Winston Churchill is known for his outstanding leadership of England and the Allies during World War II, but his brilliant statesmanship was driven by his powerful command of the english language. He was a man who could make words move a nation, and a blessing to those who relied on him for strength, hope and courage. But many are not familiar with his great wit and wisdom therein. Here are a few examples of his jocular character.

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Capitalism vs. Socialism

Capitalism and socialism were as hotly debated in Churchill’s time as they are today. But Churchill had a way of looking at this topic that was tongue-in-cheek funny. He said “”The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries.”
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Americans

During World War II Winston Churchill had to work quite closely with the U.S.A. It was often an exasperating experience dealing with the ethical approach Americans took. He commented by saying, “You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing, after they have exhausted all the other possibilities.”
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Lady Astor

Winston Churchill was not shy in dealing with politicians of the other gender, and had great comeback lines. In one discourse with Lady Astor, the dialogue went something like this: Lady Astor: “Winston, if I were your wife, I’d put poison in your coffee.” Churchill: “Nancy, if I were your husband, I’d drink it.”
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Inibriated

There was a particular incident when a woman dared to criticize hime for getting drunk in public. “A lady came up to me one day and said ‘Sir! you are drunk,’ to which I replied ‘I am drunk today madam but tomorrow I will be sober and you will still be ugly.'”
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On Democracy

Churchill advocated strongly for democracy in England and throughout the world, but he wasn’t blind to its shortcomings. He was once quoted as saying, “The best argument against democracy is a five minute conversation with the average voter.”
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Conservatives vs. Liberals

Sir Winston Churchill was probably more than a bit conservative. He did, however, support some liberal viewpoints. His wisdom is notablee in this statement: “Show me a young Conservative and I’ll show you someone with no heart. Show me an old Liberal and I’ll show you someone with no brains.”
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On Taxes

On the domestic front, Churchill was not a fan of taxes, saying once that there is no such thing as a good tax. He was even more to the point when he very cleverly said, “We contend that for a nation to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.”
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After Dinner Speech

Churchill was always in demand to give speeches and make observations at various events and dinners. We can only assume that at times it was arduous for him. He once said, “There are two things more difficult than making an after dinner speech: climbing a wall which is leaning toward you and kissing a girl who is leaning away from you.”
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On Mankind

Churchill had a good eye for the follies of mankind. He was adept at recognizing the capricious and self-centered nature of humanity. “Everyone is in favor of free speech. Hardly a day passes without it being extolled, but some people’s idea of it is that they are free to say what they like, but if anyone else says anything back, that is an outrage.”
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On Meeting His Maker

Churchill could certainly laugh at himself. He was quite aware of his grouchy nature. When speaking of his final passing he said, “I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.”
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